Neuroscience Says Be Thankful, So Here We Are

You know what’s wildly unhelpful when you’re in the middle of an existential spiral, running on caffeine and pure spite?

Someone telling you to “just be grateful.”

Like—thank you, Susan. I am grateful. Grateful that I haven’t screamed into a pillow in public today.

But here's the thing: gratitude isn’t just some toxic positivity slogan slapped on a sunset background. It’s not about pretending everything’s fine when it’s very much not. Practicing gratitude—actually practicing it—is more like mental floss. It clears out the gunk. It rewires your brain, shifts your focus, and doesn’t require you to lie about how you’re doing.

So no, this episode of Shrink Wrapped won’t be asking you to write a thank-you note to your trauma. But we are going to explore how tiny acts of noticing the good stuff can change your whole nervous system. Even if you’re still a little dead inside.

Let’s get into it.

Practicing gratitude is one of the most deceptively powerful things you can do for your mental health. And I say “deceptively” because on the surface, it sounds like the kind of advice you'd find stitched on a throw pillow or printed on a mug next to “Live, Laugh, Love.” But underneath the cliché is a skill that, when practiced consistently, can fundamentally rewire the way your brain processes the world.

At its core, gratitude is a cognitive shift—a deliberate act of refocusing your mental spotlight onto what is working, what is present, what is good enough for today. It's not about ignoring the hard stuff or slapping a sparkly sticker over your pain. It's about zooming out just far enough to notice that, yes, today was hard—but also, someone held the door open for you, your coffee was just the right amount of hot, and your dog looked at you like you hung the moon. Those things count. And your brain needs reminders that they exist.

Neuroscience backs this up. When you practice gratitude regularly, you’re strengthening the neural pathways associated with joy, connection, and resilience. You’re literally teaching your brain to scan for things that support your wellbeing instead of only cataloging the threats. It's not toxic positivity. It's neuroplasticity.

And in times of stress, trauma, or burnout, gratitude becomes even more powerful—not because it erases the pain, but because it keeps you tethered to something real and steady. It's a way of anchoring yourself when everything else feels out of control. Like saying, “Okay, maybe everything’s on fire, but I’m still breathing, I’m still here, and I found a parking spot on the first try.”

Gratitude doesn’t require your life to be perfect. It just asks you to notice the moments that make it bearable, beautiful, or even just… a little bit less awful.

Okay, so now that we’ve established gratitude isn’t just emotional glitter for spiritually overachieving Pinterest moms—how do you do it? Like, for real. In your actual messy, overstimulated, mildly cynical daily life?

Let’s talk about what practicing gratitude actually looks like in the wild.

1. Start a Gratitude Journal

Look, I know “keep a gratitude journal” sounds like the kind of advice that comes right after “drink more water” and “stop doomscrolling,” but hear me out—this one actually works. The idea is simple: every day, jot down three to five things you’re grateful for. That’s it. No need for a leather-bound notebook or a feather quill dipped in rosewater. Just a pen, some paper (or the notes app if you’re chaotic), and a few minutes to name what didn’t suck today.

Your list doesn’t have to be profound or poetic. It could be “my cat’s dumb little face,” “iced coffee that hit just right,” or “I didn’t scream during that Zoom meeting.” In fact, the smaller and more specific, the better—because gratitude isn’t about pretending your life is perfect. It’s about noticing what’s still good in the middle of the mess.

Writing it down helps anchor those fleeting positive moments into your actual brain instead of letting them get steamrolled by anxiety, burnout, or that one email you forgot to answer. Over time, your mind starts scanning for things to be grateful for on its own—like a mental algorithm that gently reminds you life isn’t only a trash fire.

Pro tip? Try doing it first thing in the morning to set your brain up for “okay, let’s not hate everything today,” or right before bed to avoid falling asleep replaying every awkward thing you’ve ever said since 2009. Either way, it’s a tiny habit with big returns—and you don’t even have to leave your bed to do it.

2. Practice Gratitude Meditation

Okay, before your eyes roll all the way into the back of your head—yes, we're talking about meditation. But no, you don’t need to levitate, wear linen, or own a singing bowl (unless you're into that, in which case, namaste). Gratitude meditation is just about taking a few minutes to sit your overstimulated self down, breathe like a human who deserves peace, and actually think about the things that make your life less awful.

Instead of spiraling into “everything is broken and I have 47 tabs open in my brain,” you gently shift your focus. Maybe you start with your dog. Or your best friend who sends you memes at just the right time. Or the version of you who got out of bed today despite wanting to melt into the floor. The point is to intentionally marinate your brain in appreciation instead of panic.

You can use a meditation app if you want someone’s soothing voice to guide you through it (and prevent your brain from drifting to what you forgot at the grocery store), or you can just set a timer for five to ten minutes and DIY it. Close your eyes, breathe deep, and mentally high-five the people, moments, or parts of yourself that deserve it.

It’s not about becoming a zen monk—it’s about giving your nervous system a damn break. And honestly? A few quiet minutes of focusing on what doesn’t suck might be the most rebellious act of self-care in your entire day.

3. Express Your Gratitude to Others

Look, I know vulnerability isn’t exactly everyone’s favorite sport, but hear me out: actually telling people you appreciate them is like emotional alchemy. It turns a fleeting “aw, that was nice” into a full-blown connection moment—for both of you. Whether it’s your best friend who talked you down from an overthinking spiral, your coworker who saved your butt in a meeting, or the barista who always remembers your wildly specific drink order, say something.

No need to go full Shakespeare. A simple, “Hey, I really appreciated that,” or “You make my life suck a little less,” works just fine. Send a text. Write a sticky note. Slide into their DMs with a thank-you instead of a meme (or both—honestly, best of both worlds). The method doesn’t matter as much as the intention.

And here’s the kicker: when you express gratitude out loud, it doesn’t just help them. It boosts your mood, deepens your relationships, and reminds your anxious brain that hey, not everyone is terrible. It’s a win-win, with no side effects except maybe someone thinking you’re weirdly wholesome for a second.

So go ahead—compliment your friend’s emotional support water bottle. Thank your therapist for not flinching when you said “I feel dead inside.” Be awkward and sincere and overly sentimental if you want. Gratitude, when shared, multiplies. And let’s be real: the world could use a lot more of that and a lot less passive-aggressive email chains.

4. Reflect on Your “Why”

Okay, so you’re writing down that you’re grateful for your job, your partner, your dog, or that one hoodie that feels like a warm hug from the universe—but don’t just stop there. This isn’t a grocery list of “nice things that exist.” It’s about digging a little deeper into why those things actually matter to you.

Like, are you grateful for your job because it pays the bills and funds your iced coffee habit? Or is it because it gives you a sense of purpose—even when that purpose is just “don’t strangle Chad in accounting”? Is your partner on the gratitude list because they make you laugh until you snort, or because they know how to sit in silence with you when your brain is short-circuiting? The why is what takes your gratitude from basic to meaningful. It’s the difference between “I like this” and “this anchors me when I’m low-key unraveling.”

Reflecting on the why connects you to the emotional weight behind what you're noticing. It strengthens the neural pathways that associate those people, experiences, or comforts with actual safety, love, or joy. It also keeps your gratitude practice from turning into a performative checkbox routine.

So yeah, gratitude is great—but gratitude with context? That’s where the magic happens. It's like giving your appreciation a plotline, and suddenly everything feels a little more real, a little more personal, and a lot more powerful.

5. Incorporate Gratitude into Your Daily Routine

Let’s be honest—life moves fast. One minute you’re vibing with your coffee, and the next you’re twelve emails deep, spiraling about your fifth-grade science fair trauma, and wondering if deodorant counts as self-care. In the chaos, gratitude can feel like just one more thing you “should” be doing (right up there with flossing and answering that text from three days ago). But here’s the trick: you don’t need to overhaul your life—you just need to sneak gratitude in where it fits.

Start small. When you wake up, before you doomscroll or contemplate your entire existence, think of one thing you’re glad exists. Maybe it’s your bed, the quiet, or the fact that no one expects coherent thoughts from you yet. Boom. Morning gratitude: done.

At lunch—or whenever you remember you’re supposed to eat—pause for ten seconds. Seriously, just ten. Ask yourself, “What hasn’t gone completely off the rails today?” Maybe your socks match. Maybe the sun touched your face. Maybe the barista spelled your name correctly for once. Little things count.

Then at night, before you melt into your mattress and disassociate via TikTok, jot down one thing from the day that didn’t suck. It doesn’t have to be profound. Just honest. “Didn’t cry in public” is absolutely a win.

The point is to make gratitude feel less like a chore and more like a quiet companion in your day. Something that hums in the background, reminding you that even in the chaos, there are flickers of good—if you’re willing to notice them.

6. Shift Your Perspective on Challenges

Alright, let’s be clear: gratitude doesn’t mean you have to slap a silver lining on every dumpster fire. No one’s asking you to be thankful for your trauma or high-five the universe for character development you did not consent to. But here's the thing—sometimes the hard stuff leaves behind something useful. Not pretty, not perfect—just useful.

Maybe that awful job taught you how to advocate for yourself (or at least how to say “per my last email” with icy precision). Maybe that heartbreak cracked you open in a way that helped you finally understand what real connection feels like. Or maybe surviving the mess just reminded you of who showed up with snacks, tissues, and “I got you” energy when you needed it most.

This kind of gratitude isn’t fluffy or feel-good. It’s gritty. It’s the kind that says, “Yeah, that sucked—and I’m still here.” It’s not about pretending everything happens for a reason (because sometimes things are just unfair and awful). It’s about choosing, when you’re ready, to look back and ask: Did I learn something? Did I grow? Did I find out who was in my corner?

Reframing challenges this way isn’t about erasing pain—it’s about reclaiming power. You go from feeling like life’s punching bag to realizing you’ve built some serious emotional muscle. And that shift? That’s resilience. That’s healing. That’s gratitude in its most badass form.

7. Gratitude in Difficult Times

Let’s not sugarcoat it—when life is a full-on emotional landfill, practicing gratitude can feel like someone telling you to enjoy the view while you're knee-deep in trash juice. But this is where gratitude actually matters the most. Not as a forced smile or a spiritual bypass, but as a small, stubborn act of defiance. When everything feels overwhelming, even the tiniest spark of “this doesn’t completely suck” can be a lifeline.

Maybe it’s the fact that your bed still exists and you made it back to it. Maybe it’s the friend who sent you a dumb meme just when you needed it. Maybe it’s that your coffee was warm or your leggings were soft or you didn’t cry during that one meeting (or you did, and no one said anything—bless). These aren't grand, sweeping moments of joy—they’re survival-level gratitude. And that still counts.

In dark seasons, your nervous system is already maxed out. Gratitude becomes less about feeling good and more about finding something to hold onto. It’s about collecting small wins like Pokémon: “Got dressed today.” “Fed myself a vegetable.” “Didn’t murder anyone despite provocation.” Celebrate that stuff. It matters.

And no, this doesn’t mean ignoring grief, pain, or rage. It means letting gratitude sit beside those feelings—not instead of them. Gratitude in hard times isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about whispering, “But I’m still here,” and finding even one small reason to keep going.

8. Create a Gratitude Jar

Yes, it sounds like a Pinterest craft born in a yoga mom’s dream journal, but hear me out: the Gratitude Jar slaps. It’s simple, it’s tactile, and it turns your fleeting happy thoughts into a growing pile of evidence that life isn’t always a disaster. The idea? Anytime something good happens—or even just doesn’t suck—jot it down on a slip of paper and toss it in the jar. That’s it. No glitter glue or advanced scrapbooking skills required (unless that’s your thing, in which case, go full Martha Stewart on it).

Over time, that little jar becomes a backlog of joy. A stockpile of “look, brain, nice things do happen.” It’s especially clutch on the days when everything feels like it's crumbling—because instead of spiraling, you can reach into your jar and pull out proof that not every moment has been a garbage fire.

It could be something deep like “finally forgave myself for that one thing,” or something tiny like “ate a warm cookie in my car and felt momentarily like a god.” The content doesn’t matter—the act of noticing does.

And honestly? Watching the jar fill up is a quiet kind of magic. You get to literally see your gratitude accumulate. Which, in a world where good things can feel invisible or easily forgotten, is kind of revolutionary. It’s like building your own emotional emergency kit, one crumpled slip of hope at a time.

9. Use Gratitude Reminders

Let’s face it—practicing gratitude sounds great in theory, but in real life? We’re all just trying to remember if we already shampooed our hair or answered that text from three days ago. Gratitude can slip through the cracks between existential dread and your next doomscrolling session. So, if you want it to actually happen, you’re gonna need a little backup—aka, reminders.

Set an alarm on your phone that hits you with a gentle “What are you grateful for today?” instead of the usual existential dread bell. Or go analog: slap a sticky note on your bathroom mirror that says, “Hey, name one thing that doesn’t suck.” Stick another on your fridge. Maybe one on your computer screen that says “Stop spiraling and say thanks for something, you dramatic little onion.” Make them cheeky. Make them weird. Just make them visible.

You’re not failing if you need to be reminded to do something good for yourself. You’re just a modern human with a Swiss cheese memory and a brain that’s juggling way too much. These prompts aren’t guilt trips—they’re gentle nudges from past-you to present-you, saying: “Hey. Life isn’t all chaos. Pause. Appreciate. Breathe.”

Gratitude doesn’t require a mood. It just needs a moment. And sometimes, the right reminder shows up exactly when you’re about to lose it and helps you refocus—if only for a few seconds. Which, honestly, might be all you need.

10. Practice Gratefulness for Yourself

Look, it’s easy to dish out gratitude to your dog, your friends, the person who let you merge in traffic like a highway angel—but when’s the last time you thanked yourself? Not in a vague, #selfcare kind of way, but for real. For surviving that meltdown. For showing up when you didn’t want to. For keeping your plants (and maybe your mental health) alive-ish. You are not just the main character—you’re the writer, director, unpaid intern, and emotional support team. That deserves some damn recognition.

Practicing gratitude for yourself is like giving your inner critic the middle finger and saying, “Actually, I’m proud of me.” It doesn’t have to be a dramatic mirror monologue (unless you’re into that, in which case, go full soap opera). It can be a quiet moment where you say, “Hey—I’m grateful I’ve kept going, even when everything in me wanted to peace out.”

This kind of self-gratitude isn’t narcissism, it’s medicine. It rewires the way you see yourself—not as a problem to fix, but as a human worth celebrating. A walking, talking, mistake-making masterpiece. And yeah, you can literally say it to the mirror if you’re feeling bold. “I’m grateful for my resilience.” “I’m grateful I’ve grown.” “I’m grateful I didn’t unhinge on that group text today.” Whatever fits.

You’re not just doing the work—you are the work. So take a moment, look at that glorious mess in the mirror, and say thank you. You’ve earned it.

11. Share Your Gratitude Practice with Others

Gratitude doesn’t have to be a solo mission. In fact, it gets a little more powerful—and a lot more fun—when you loop other people into it. Sharing your gratitude practice with friends, family, or your group chat of emotionally stable-ish gremlins can turn this from a quiet journaling moment into a low-key, soul-repairing ritual. Plus, let’s be honest: everything’s better when there’s mutual emotional accountability and at least one person who’s down to overshare.

You can keep it simple: text a friend one thing you’re grateful for each day and have them do the same. Boom—two brains gently nudged toward joy. Or start a shared gratitude note, journal, or even a group chat where everyone drops their daily “tiny wins” and wholesome chaos. Suddenly, you’ve got a running list of good things that aren’t just yours—they’re collective proof that life, while unhinged, is not devoid of sparkle.

Want to go public with it? Try a gratitude challenge on social media and invite people to join in. Just don’t fall into the trap of performative wholesomeness—this isn’t about curating a perfect life highlight reel. It’s about saying, “Hey, today sucked, but I’m grateful for hot showers, peanut butter cups, and the fact that someone else said it sucked too.”

Sharing your practice creates connection. It normalizes talking about the good stuff (not just venting about how we’re all melting). And sometimes, hearing what other people are grateful for makes you realize, “Oh damn, yeah—I have that too.”

So go ahead. Start a gratitude buddy system. Spread the good word like it’s emotional gossip. Because joy multiplies when you pass it around.

Practicing gratitude isn’t just about writing thank-you notes to the universe or romanticizing your morning coffee (though, to be fair, a really good cup can be borderline spiritual). It’s about actively retraining your brain to look for what’s present instead of constantly obsessing over what’s missing. And that shift—from scarcity to abundance, from “not enough” to “look at what I do have”—is low-key revolutionary.

Gratitude is like wearing better glasses: the world doesn’t suddenly change, but the way you see it does. The more you focus on what’s good—even if it’s small, weird, or wrapped in chaos—the more your brain starts noticing those things on its own. It’s not magic. It’s neuroplasticity with a personality.

And that shift doesn’t just improve your mood. It softens your self-talk. It strengthens your relationships. It makes you a little easier to live with—both for others and, honestly, for yourself. Because gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending everything’s great when it’s very much not. It means letting joy and grief exist in the same breath. It means saying, “This is hard and I’m still thankful for that one friend who gets it.” It means making room for the full range of human experience without losing your grip on the good stuff.

Gratitude won’t fix everything, but it will change something. It’s a practice. A habit. A mindset. And over time, it becomes a lifeline—a way to anchor yourself in joy, even when the world’s a little sideways.

So yeah, it’s not just about feeling thankful. It’s about choosing, every day, to notice. And that choice? It might just change everything.

Alright, friends—that’s a wrap on today’s deep dive into gratitude, the brain-hacking, mood-boosting, slightly cheesy but actually effective practice that can help you stop spiraling for five seconds and notice the good stuff. Not the perfect stuff. Not the Instagrammable, highlight-reel nonsense. The real stuff. Like warm socks, unexpected kindness, and the fact that you made it through this day.

Remember, gratitude isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s not emotional glitter or a spiritual flex. It’s about pausing long enough to say, “Okay, this moment matters. This person matters. I matter.” And in a world that’s constantly yelling at you to hustle harder, be better, want more—choosing to notice what’s already here is a radical act.

So whether your gratitude practice looks like journaling, meditating, texting your best friend, yelling “I’M PROUD OF YOU” at yourself in the mirror, or just taking a breath before your next meltdown—know that it counts. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start where you are, with what you’ve got. Even if what you’ve got is the emotional bandwidth of a soggy piece of toast.

And hey—if no one’s told you lately? I’m grateful for you. For listening. For showing up. For being a wonderfully complicated human doing your best in a weird, unpredictable world.

If this episode gave you something to think about (or roll your eyes at in a productive way), go ahead and share it with a friend, leave a review, or scribble “Shrink Wrapped is emotionally validating and mildly chaotic in the best way” on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. That works too.

Until next time, keep noticing the good. Keep making space for the messy. And remember—you’re not alone in this.

Don't forget you can email questions to Michelle@ONeilCounseling.com to be featured in a bonus episode, and if you want to just keep the conversation going with other listeners like you who just get it, pop over into the O'Neil Counseling app- the link is in the show notes!

Catch you next week for our next DSM Dive into Tourette's, and you already know I'm ready to dissect the absolute mockery the media has made. Can't wait to see you there.