Rituals, Routines, and Other Forms of Self-Inflicted Growth

So here’s the deal: habits are basically your brain’s way of running on autopilot. Which sounds convenient—until you realize your autopilot might be flying straight into a dumpster fire of doomscrolling, skipped breakfasts, and the mysterious ability to forget that water exists.

But here’s the good news: habits aren’t destiny. They’re just repeated choices your brain got a little too cozy with. And if you can accidentally train yourself to check your phone before your eyes have fully opened, you can intentionally train yourself to do things that actually serve you. Like sleeping, hydrating, and not spiraling every time an email says “per my last message.”

Today we’re diving into the not-so-sexy science of habit-building: how to actually create routines that stick, why motivation is a fickle little gremlin, and what to do when your brain tries to self-sabotage because “change is hard and Netflix is easier.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about willpower—it’s about systems. And tiny wins. And maybe tricking your brain a little.

Let’s get into it.

Building habits solely on willpower is like trying to power your car with pure vibes and a protein bar. It might sputter forward for a hot minute, but eventually, you're stuck on the side of the road questioning your life choices and eating dry almonds out of your glovebox.

Here’s the thing: willpower is like your phone battery. It starts strong in the morning, but by 3 PM you’ve got 4% left and suddenly brushing your teeth feels like climbing Everest. That’s why habits need to be less about forcing yourself to be a "better person" and more about tricking your lazy gremlin brain into doing the thing without thinking about it.

You need a system. A sneaky, rigged-in-your-favor, booby-trapped-for-success kind of setup. Want to start journaling? Put your journal on your pillow so you literally have to move it before you sleep. Trying to eat healthier? Don’t just stare down a sleeve of Oreos every night and expect to win. Remove the enemy combatants from your pantry, soldier.

The goal isn't to become some perfect productivity cyborg. It’s to make the right choice the easy choice—like turning your life into one big "set it and forget it" infomercial. Because once your environment and routines are doing half the work, suddenly you’re not relying on willpower—you’re just on autopilot, living your best systemized life while your past self does the heavy lifting.

So yeah. Forget brute force. Build a mousetrap. For your bad habits. And bait it with snacks.

Once you’ve rigged the system in your favor—aka stopped relying on sheer willpower and vibes alone—here’s your next power move: start stupid small. Like, “is this even a habit or just a twitch?” small. We’re not aiming for impressive right now—we’re aiming for repeatable. Think less "transformational life overhaul" and more "I flossed one tooth today, and that counts."

Because here’s the thing: big goals are attention-seeking drama queens. They parade around all loud and sparkly—“New Year, New Me! I’m journaling daily, meal-prepping like a Pinterest mom, and running ultramarathons by spring!”—but the moment life gets mildly inconvenient (read: rainy day, bad mood, weird email from your boss), those lofty plans crumble like a stale granola bar.

Meanwhile, tiny habits? Quiet little legends. They slip under your brain’s radar and avoid triggering the “ugh, this is hard” alarm. One push-up. One sentence in your journal. One glass of water that’s not coffee. You’re not trying to be a wellness influencer—you’re just nudging your current reality a few degrees to the left. And that? That’s enough to change the whole trajectory over time.

Because those laughably small steps? They stack. They sneakily rewire your brain until suddenly you are the person who works out, reads, drinks water, or whatever other thing you thought was reserved for people with vision boards and matching socks. So yes, go microscopic. Go ridiculously manageable. Go so low-effort it almost feels like cheating. Because that’s how you beat perfectionism at its own game—and honestly, it's about time someone did.

Then, when you’ve mastered the art of starting laughably small—like, “was that a habit or did I just twitch?” small—it’s time to step into your next main character moment: habit stacking. This is where you slap your new baby habit onto an existing routine like a sticker on your emotional support water bottle. It’s not about adding more chaos—it’s about hitching a ride on the chaos you already manage like a pro.

Here’s the deal: your brain thrives on patterns. It loves autopilot. It’s been brushing your teeth every morning without a full PowerPoint presentation. That’s a win. So instead of trying to reinvent your entire life from scratch (which, let’s be honest, lasts until Wednesday), you simply sneak in a new habit while your brain is too distracted to throw a tantrum about it.

Want to meditate more? Don’t schedule a 30-minute zen-fest at sunrise. Just breathe deeply after you sit down to pee. (Yes, we’re optimizing bathroom breaks now. Welcome to functional adulthood.)

Trying to stretch more? Touch your toes while your coffee brews. Burn your mouth and improve your hamstrings. Multitasking!

Want to be more grateful? Think of one thing you’re glad about while waiting for your microwave to beep. Bonus points if it’s not “the fact that I still have pizza.”

It’s all about sneaky consistency. No inner battles. No grand declarations. Just simple, bite-sized upgrades glued onto stuff you already do. And because it’s tied to something habitual, it feels natural. Effortless. Dare I say... almost competent.

Eventually, these tiny stacks start forming skyscrapers of progress. You start thinking, “Huh, maybe I am the kind of person who drinks water before 3 PM” or “Wow, I journaled for a whole week and didn’t even spiral once.” And suddenly, you’re no longer desperately duct-taping your life together—you’re building something sustainable, one absurdly manageable action at a time.

So yeah, habit stacking: like emotional duct tape, but with structure and fewer breakdowns in Target parking lots.

Okay. You’re habit-stacking like a behavioral magician, layering tiny wins like you’re building a lasagna of personal growth. Now it’s time to double down with the golden rule of sustainable habits: make it stupidly easy. Not “impressive.” Not “optimized.” Not “grindset alpha-core.” I’m talking so easy it feels like you’re cheating.

Because here's the truth: Future You? The one who’s tired, overstimulated, and one inconvenient sock away from a spiral? That person needs zero obstacles between intention and action. They don’t need a motivational speech. They need a shortcut, a bribe, and a system so simple a houseplant could follow it.

Want to work out? Do not rely on your 6 AM ambition—it’s a liar and a flake. Lay your workout clothes out the night before like a breadcrumb trail to dignity. Put your shoes in the doorway like they’re guarding the exit to your excuses. If possible, sleep in your sports bra. Yes, we’re cutting corners. No shame.

Trying to eat healthier? Don’t give your willpower a field test in the snack aisle. You are not stronger than cheddar popcorn at 9 PM. Just... don’t bring it home. Prep your veggies like you’re a meal-prep influencer who got bored halfway through and said, “eh, close enough.” That counts.

Want to read more? Put the book on your pillow, right where your eyeballs go when you collapse at night. Don’t bury it under a doomscroll deathtrap. Your phone is an attention sponge with boundary issues. Respectfully, it is the villain here. Replace it with a novel and watch your brain slowly remember what imagination is.

This is called reducing friction, aka removing every tiny reason your brain can come up with to say, “not now.” Because your brain is smart, yes, but it’s also lazy and manipulative in a loveable raccoon sort of way. It will negotiate, stall, fake an existential crisis, and pretend you're "too overwhelmed" to walk for five minutes. Don't give it the chance.

You’re not building habits to earn a gold star—you’re rigging the game so hard that success becomes the path of least resistance. No mental gymnastics. No 12-step morning ritual with lemon water and chanting. Just the thing, made absurdly doable.

Make it so easy you’d feel silly not doing it. That’s when the magic happens. Or at least some mildly productive witchcraft that turns “meh” into “hey, I did a thing!” And honestly? That’s the real win.

You’ve rigged your habits like a lazy genius—stacked 'em, prepped 'em, removed every barrier short of having a personal assistant named Brenda to spoon-feed you kale. Now it’s time to hit your brain with its favorite drug: dopamine. Yep, it’s time to track your progress, baby.

But let’s set expectations: this is not a call to become a spreadsheet sorcerer or a bullet journal deity with color-coded tabs and motivational quotes in cursive. We are not logging every breath, every bowel movement, or your aura’s vibe under the waxing gibbous moon. No. The vibe here is: low effort, high fives.

Tracking is just about one thing: proof. Tangible, visual, slightly smug proof that you did the damn thing. Doesn’t matter how small the thing was—your brain sees it, logs it, and hits you with a tiny “we are crushing this” buzz. That buzz? That’s dopamine doing its thing. That’s your reward center lighting up like it just saw a dog in a little raincoat.

Use whatever system feels like you—a habit-tracking app, a scribbly notebook, or the tried-and-true “X on the calendar” method that feels like giving your inner child a sticker chart. Hell, draw a potato with a smiley face if that’s what motivates you. The form doesn’t matter. What matters is that you feel the win.

But here’s the kicker: do not spiral when you miss a day. You are not in Habit Jail. You are not getting evicted from the Temple of Consistency. Missing a day doesn’t erase your progress—it just makes you human. Welcome. Pull up a chair.

The goal here isn’t perfection. It’s pattern. You’re aiming for "mostly consistent," not "robot monk with laser focus." It’s okay if your tracking chart looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. The point is: you’re still in the game. Still showing up. Still building habits that are slowly, sneakily, turning you into someone who kind of has their life together.

So yes—track the thing. Celebrate it. Let your brain throw a little party every time you sip water, stretch your limbs, or read half a paragraph. Because momentum builds. And before you know it, you’re not just a person who sometimes flosses—you’re a person who flosses on purpose.

And that? That’s terrifyingly close to adulthood. Gold star for you, champ.

Alright. So you’re racking up those little habit wins. You’re drinking water like it’s a full-time job, flossing more than your dentist ever dreamed possible, and maybe even stretching occasionally without groaning like a haunted Victorian child. Cute. We love to see it.

But here’s the secret sauce that makes all of it actually stick: identity over outcome. This isn’t just about checking boxes—it’s about becoming the kind of person who checks those boxes without bribing themselves with caffeine or existential dread. You’re not just trying to do the thing—you’re becoming the damn archetype.

You’re not “trying to run.” You’re a runner, okay? You’re not “attempting to read more”—you’re a bookish little chaos goblin with emotionally devastating literary opinions and a Goodreads account that could bring someone to tears. This shift matters because your brain lives for identity. It’s like a golden retriever with a name tag—once you give it a label, it just wants to live up to it. Consistency is its kink.

So when you start saying, “I’m a healthy person,” suddenly your body’s like, “Uhhh, maybe let’s not inhale 800 milligrams of sodium disguised as snacks?” You’re still capable of self-sabotage (we all are, welcome to Earth), but it feels a little more...off-brand. It’s not your vibe anymore. And that’s the sneaky magic of internal narrative—your behavior starts catching up to your self-image. You start walking the walk because you’re owning the role.

But hold up, because now we have to talk about the external world. Environment matters. More than motivation. More than good intentions. More than your Pinterest vision board with glittery dreams of “living my best life.” If your environment is chaos, your habits will be chaos.

You want to sleep better? Stop cuddling your phone like it’s your emotional support boyfriend. Kick that clingy rectangle to another room and invest in a damn alarm clock like it’s 1998. Want to drink more water? Put glasses of it everywhere—on your nightstand, your desk, your emotional baggage. Want to meditate? Build a vibe-y little corner of calm with a candle, a cushion, and exactly zero expectations. Pretend you’re auditioning for a minimalist monk aesthetic, even if your brain is screaming “this is dumb.”

The point is: don’t rely on sheer willpower to make good choices in real-time. That version of you is tired, slightly unhinged, and one inconvenience away from mutiny. Set the scene before the moment hits. Stack the deck so hard in your favor that success just kind of...happens. Accidentally. Casually. Like a happy little trap you set for your future self.

Because when you combine identity (I’m the kind of person who does this) with environment (I’ve made it nearly impossible not to do this), you become an unstoppable force. A habit-building juggernaut. Beyoncé meets Martha Stewart meets psychological resilience.

So yeah. Be that person. Set the stage. And then? Just walk right into the role like it was made for you. Because it was.

So now that you’re racking up those satisfying little habit wins and slowly evolving into a less chaotic gremlin version of yourself, here’s the next-level sorcery that turns short-term effort into long-term transformation: focus on identity, not just outcomes.

This isn’t about doing the thing anymore. This is about becoming the kind of person who does the thing—effortlessly, automatically, even on days when you’ve got the energy of a dying houseplant. You’re not just jogging in sneakers—you’re a runner, dammit. You’re not just reading—you’re a bookish little emotional tornado who won’t shut up about the author who destroyed you in chapter seven. You are the thing now.

And why does this work? Because your brain is out here playing one game and one game only: consistency theater. It desperately wants your actions to match your identity, even if that identity is “person who eats nachos for breakfast.” Start identifying as “someone who prioritizes health,” and suddenly that 10 AM sleeve of cookies in the car? Still possible, but now it feels like betrayal. It’s like you’re breaking character in your own personal sitcom.

And while you’re busy rewriting your inner monologue—upgrading from “hot mess express” to “chaotically grounded wellness baddie”—let’s talk about the scene partner that matters most: your environment.

Because let’s be honest: willpower is trash. It’s unreliable. Moody. Kind of flaky. The friend who hypes you up on Sunday night but ghosts you by Monday morning. Your environment, on the other hand? That’s the real MVP. It doesn’t get tired. It doesn’t argue. It just sits there quietly nudging you in the right direction.

Want to drink more water? Make your home look like an overhydrated Sims character lives there. Water bottles on every surface. Bonus points for mason jars that make you feel like a rustic hydration witch.

Want to stop doomscrolling? Evict your phone from your bed like the toxic ex it is. Put it in a different room, or at least on airplane mode like it’s grounded for being a bad influence.

Want to meditate? Build a vibe so cozy that your nervous system sighs just walking past it. Fairy lights. A candle. Maybe a pillow shaped like a potato. Pretend you’re in a Pinterest board called “Introvert Temple.”

Basically, stop setting yourself up to fail by expecting Present You to make Olympic-level decisions when she’s running on coffee, cortisol, and three minutes of sleep. Set the scene ahead of time. Trick yourself with kindness. Let your environment make the right choice obnoxiously convenient—so easy it’s harder not to do it.

Because here’s the thing: when your identity is aligned, and your environment is engineered to support that identity? You become unstoppable. Like, can’t be touched level. Beyoncé plus a bar cart of electrolytes. A main character montage waiting to happen.

That’s the real power combo of habit change. It’s not willpower. It’s not hustle. It’s Beyoncé. And a very strategically placed water bottle.

So now that your identity is locked in (you are the habit—wear it like a chaotic little crown), and your environment is fully tricked out like a Pinterest board with emotional support water bottles, let’s go ahead and burn down the final myth: motivation.

Motivation is a flaky queen. An unreliable party guest. That hyped-up brunch friend who swears they’re “totally in” for the plan… and then disappears the second it’s time to change out of their sweats. It feels great when it shows up—it’ll flirt with your ambition, buy your confidence a mimosa, maybe even toss you a new planner. But when it’s go-time? Poof. Gone. Ghosted harder than your last situationship.

Here’s the hard truth: if your habits rely on motivation, they’re built on vibes and fairy dust. And that’s cute for like, a week. But what you actually need? Systems. Systems are the responsible friend who shows up with snacks, a backup charger, and a detailed itinerary. They’re not sexy. They’re not exciting. But they get the job done.

You want to write more? Block it off in your calendar like it’s a meeting with Beyoncé.

Want to work out? Pack your gym bag the night before and yeet it by the front door like a passive-aggressive reminder that you made a promise to Future You.

Trying to meditate, stretch, journal, or do literally anything that requires energy in a soul-crushing world? Automate. Prep. Remove the choice in the moment.

Because systems don’t ask, “Do you feel like it?” They don’t care if your vibe is off, Mercury is in retrograde, or you watched three straight hours of emotionally questionable TV. They just nudge you forward with the cold, consistent efficiency of a Roomba programmed by a Virgo.

And listen—before your inner perfectionist starts spiraling because you missed one water bottle or forgot to meditate while serenaded by your scented candle—breathe. You’re gonna mess up. That’s part of it. Welcome to Team Human. The goal was never perfection. The goal is momentum.

So here’s the golden rule: Don’t miss twice.

Miss once? Totally fine. Life happens. Your cat barfed, your boss emailed you at 8:59 PM, you accidentally spent the evening rage-scrolling through comment sections. Whatever.

But don’t let it turn into a slide. Don’t throw the whole system in the trash and dramatically declare yourself a failure like it’s a teen movie monologue. Just shrug, reset, and do the thing tomorrow. No emotional spiral. No dramatic music. Just a quiet “whoops,” and we move.

Because building habits isn’t about willpower or aesthetics or becoming That Girl™. It’s about stacking tiny choices, catching yourself with grace when you wobble, and staying in the damn game. Every time you get back on track, even a little, you're casting a vote for the person you're becoming.

So let motivation be the flaky hype-friend. You’ve got systems now. You’ve got identity. You’ve got an environment that basically makes good choices for you. You're not relying on vibes anymore—you're running on strategy.

And that? That’s how habits stick. Not with perfection. With persistence. With compassion. With routines that whisper, “Hey, we’re still doing this,” even when your brain is like, “Nah, let’s spiral instead.”

Progress, not perfection, baby. Now go drink your damn water.

And while we’re out here banishing perfectionism to the shadow realm—begone, productivity goblin!—and building our sweet, unshakable systems, let’s talk about a spicy little detail that often gets overlooked: if your habit feels like punishment, your brain is going to mutiny. You’re not a robot in a corporate training montage. You’re a gloriously chaotic human fueled by snacks, existential dread, and the occasional rush of dopamine from a dog in a sweater.

So yeah—your habits have to not suck. Revolutionary, I know.

If working out feels like a sweaty act of penance for existing in a mortal body, then we need to zhuzh it up, stat. Slap on a playlist that turns your hallway into a runway. Or a true crime podcast so engrossing you forget you're doing squats and not solving murders. (Also, hot tip: Shrink Wrapped pairs beautifully with light cardio and/or avoiding responsibility.)

If you’re tracking your progress, don’t make it a sterile checklist of despair. Use an app that gamifies the whole thing—little dopamine fireworks for brushing your teeth? Yes, please. Confetti for drinking one glass of water? You earned that hydration party, champ. And if you need to bribe yourself to follow through? GOOD. That’s just reward-based behavioral reinforcement with a dash of capitalism.

Light the candle. Buy the overpriced latte. Do a ridiculous victory dance in your kitchen like you just nailed the Showcase Showdown. Treat habit success like a micro holiday. Because when something feels rewarding, your brain is way more likely to be like, “Hell yeah, let’s do that again,” instead of “Ugh, back to the soul grind.”

Now, let’s address the myth that will not die: that it takes 21 days to build a habit. Lies. Internet folklore. Fake news from the land of 2009 Pinterest infographics. The real number? 66 days on average. Some habits click faster. Some take months. And you know what that means? If it’s taking you a while, you’re not broken—you’re just normal. Wild, right? This isn’t a 30-minute HIIT class with abs at the end. It’s a slow-cooked, emotionally tender stew of effort, time, and occasional messiness. You don’t need to go viral. You need to keep going.

So be patient. Be consistent-ish. Be kind to your tired little brain that’s trying its best not to nap through your whole to-do list. And above all? Make it fun. Make it weird. Make it yours. Because when you stop trying to win the gold medal in self-improvement and start just...showing up, giving it a solid B-minus, and adding sparkles wherever possible? That’s when it sticks. That’s when it becomes real. That’s when you stop trying to “build the habit” and wake up one day like, “Wait...I am the habit now.”

And honestly? That’s kind of iconic.

So now, you’ve gamified your habit, bribed your inner gremlin with sparkly little rewards, and committed to the long haul like you’re dating your own potential. Love that for you.

But here’s the final truth bomb to send you strutting into your routine like the glorious goblin of growth you are:

Small. Consistent. Steps. Will always outlast giant, dramatic, unsustainable leaps. Every. Single. Time.

This isn’t a training montage where you go from couch potato to Zen superhuman in 90 seconds while “Eye of the Tiger” plays. This is real life, where your alarm clock feels like an act of aggression and your first coherent thought is “No.” And that’s fine! Because we’re not aiming for cinematic transformation—we’re aiming for repeatable reality.

Sure, big changes look sexy on the surface. They make great TikToks and dramatic before-and-after stories. But those giant leaps? They flame out faster than your Wi-Fi during a Zoom meeting. They rely on adrenaline, hype, and a version of you that doesn’t actually exist on Wednesdays after a bad night’s sleep.

What actually works?

Tiny. Manageable. Actions. Done repeatedly. Done boringly. Done on autopilot until they sneak into your identity like a raccoon into a trash can—subtle at first, then suddenly they own the place.

This isn’t about chasing some idealized future self who wakes up with perfect skin and inner peace. This is about becoming someone who casually does the thing, no fanfare, no drama. Someone who journals not because it's aesthetic, but because their brain gets noisy without it. Someone who works out not for the beach bod, but because moving their limbs keeps them from turning into a sentient lump of stress. Someone who drinks water because—get this—they like not feeling like a crusty old raisin.

Over time, these habits stop being things you try to do. They become things you just...are. You’re not playing pretend anymore. You’re not faking it ‘til you make it. You made it, quietly, one choice at a time.

It’s like moss growing on a rock: slow, steady, persistent. It doesn’t show up overnight, but give it enough time and boom—full coverage. Only instead of moss, it’s you becoming a hydrated, emotionally regulated badass.

So yeah. Call it hot girl moss energy. Call it main character evolution. Call it whatever you want.

Just keep showing up. Keep choosing small over perfect. Keep becoming—slowly, awkwardly, gloriously—the person you already kinda are underneath all the doubt and distraction.

And that? That’s the real transformation.

Un-glamorous. Unstoppable. Unbothered. Iconic.

And that’s a wrap on today’s deep dive into the weird, wonderful, and wildly unsexy world of habit-building. If you’re walking away from this episode thinking, “Okay, maybe I can build a life that doesn’t feel like a never-ending game of chaos Whack-a-Mole,” then good. That’s the point. Just remember: your habits don’t have to be perfect, dramatic, or Instagram-worthy. They just have to be yours. Small. Sustainable. Slightly ridiculous. They should fit into your life like that one pair of leggings that survived the laundry apocalypse—reliable, a little stretched out, but still showing up.

Now go romanticize the hell out of brushing your teeth. Track your wins like you’re getting paid in gold stars. Bribe your inner goblin with tiny rewards. And if you fall off the wagon? Cool. Just don’t set the wagon on fire and declare yourself a lost cause. Get back on. Keep going. That’s the real flex.

Thanks for pushing play on Shrink Wrapped. If this episode gave you something to chew on—or made you laugh awkwardly while reevaluating your relationship with your water bottle—do us a solid: Share it with a friend. Rate, review, and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever your ears like to hang out. And join the O’Neil Counseling app (link’s in the show notes) to connect with other listeners who are also figuring it out one mildly unhinged habit at a time. And hey, if you've got questions for me? Any kind of questions- psychology questions, personal questions, life questions, shoot me an email at Michelle@ONeilCounseling.com (don't panic- I'm putting my email in the show notes) and I'll start compiling your questions, and my answers into a bonus episode.

If you made it this far, here's something a little different. Here's a mini Journal Prompt if you’re feeling introspective (or just need something to distract you from scrolling):

What’s one identity you’re ready to step into—and what’s one tiny, doable action you can take to start becoming that version of you today?

Alright, future habit gremlins—until next time, keep it weird, keep it real, and for the love of all that is mentally stable... drink some water, because next week, we're DSM diving straight into Autism. I'll see you there.